My Most Unhinged "Behind the Essay" Yet: Expert Testimony Before the Court of Historical Opinion Re: The Biden Legacy

Hello.

Tuesday started out well.

Around 9pm, the map looked…a lot like 2020, I kept telling myself.

By 4am, I was saying “President-elect Trump” on a split screen.

I've been making the rounds. Brian Lehrer's show remains an oasis of sanity.

In July, I called on Biden to resign. On Thursday, Rolling Stone posted my followup.

For connoisseurs of absurdism and existential dread, I wrote a 3am summary below. You've been warned.

We released two new episodes of the Duncan & Coe History Show, available wherever you get your podcasts. I grilled Mike about his polyshow lifestyle and he interviewed me about book reviews and my New America discussion tour.

Bracing for impact,

Alexis

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My Most Unhinged "Behind the Essay” Yet: Expert Testimony Before the Court of Historical Opinion Re: The Biden Legacy

EXPERT TESTIMONY Before the Court of Historical Opinion Re: The Biden Legacy Homicide 

Submitted by: Alexis Coe, Presidential Historian 

Date: November 7, 2024

I, the undersigned historian, hereby submit the following testimony regarding Joseph R. Biden's presidential legacy and its implications for American democracy:

QUALIFICATIONS As a presidential historian, I have spent decades studying how presidents author their final chapters. I also attempted to prevent this particular historical tragedy through direct intervention (Rolling Stone, July 2024).

TIMELINE OF EVENTS

Phase 1: Peak Achievement: The deceased legacy initially showed robust vital signs:

• Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act ($1.2T)

• CHIPS Act (strategic positioning against China)

• First meaningful climate legislation in U.S. history

• 3.1% GDP growth contrary to recession forecasts

• Historic low unemployment

• NATO expansion

• Many more

Preliminary assessment indicated potential top-10 presidential ranking.

Phase 2: Warning Signs Multiple indicators of imminent danger were present:

• 86 percent of Americans declared him too old in February.

• 71 percent of his own party begged for alternatives.

• Gaza protesters became his unwanted opening act.

• Trump’s overwhelming lead, a political death knell.

Phase 3: Attempted Intervention On July 19, 2024, I prescribed the following four-step treatment plan:

1. Immediate withdrawal from 2024 race

2. Presidential resignation

3. Strategic retreat to Delaware

4. Legacy preservation through Harris elevation

Phase 4: The Fatal Decision Two days post-intervention, subject enacted partial measures that exacerbated the condition:

• Stepped aside but did not resign

• Failed to retreat from public sphere

• Maintained policy control

• Restricted successor's timeframe to 60 days

• Kneecapped her at various intervals

CAUSE OF DEATH This examiner concludes this was premeditated. The subject, having entered politics at 29 (barely Senate-eligible), systematically destroyed his life's work by age 82 through:

• Willful ignorance of warning signs

• Rejection of historical precedent

• Implementation of "Buchanan Protocol" (claiming sole solution while worsening crisis)

HISTORICAL PLACEMENT Preliminary C-SPAN ranking criteria indicates placement alongside:

• James Buchanan (Union dissolution enabler)

• Herbert Hoover (economic collapse overseer)

• Donald Trump (at least transparent about anti-democratic intentions)

BROADER IMPLICATIONS Democracy appears to be terminal collateral damage.

FINAL ASSESSMENT This represents the first documented case of a president simultaneously destroying both his legacy and the democracy he once saved. Subject convinced himself, but no others, of his indispensability.

Signature:

Alexis Coe, Presidential Historian, Witness to the Autopsy of American Democracy

Filed under: Historical Tragedies, Preventable Disasters, Warnings Ignored

See you soonish! In the meantime, you can find me on Twitter and Instagram and my books on Bookshop, Amazon, and your local bookstore or library. If you’d like me to sign or personalize my books, purchase copies from Oblong.